Cities, lights, winds, tastes, smells, different
Grass, fields, sheep, daffodils, pain, lightness
Freedom, loneliness, connection, forgetful, alone
Confusion, betrayal, knowledge, exploring, claustrophobia,
happiness, love
Falling, guilt, fear, loathing, excitement, flying, fun,
control
Old, overwhelm, tears, deep breathes, sweaty walks,
plastered smiles
How do you explain to someone that without people life is
useless to you. That loneliness and frustration is one step behind you. Guilt
is chasing you from all angles.
How do you explain to someone that you have a sense of dread
that sinks every morning and night to the pit of your stomach.
How do you explain to someone that if you could teleport you
would.
How do you explain to someone that you are scared of genuine
human connection because your scared to get hurt. If you keep everyone at arms
length then you’ll be fine.
How do you explain to someone that you want to get close to
people, that people, the good ones, they are worth so much. They are worth the
tears and the distance. That it is ok to hurt.
But the world tells us to worry about ourselves first, that
alone you can conquer your demons all without explaining to the world that
you’re in pain and need help.
I don’t want life, unless I’m with those who I love. To be
alone, to be struggling like you are pushing sand uphill.
How do you explain to someone the depth of the sadness that
lies within; how you try to love people so deeply that it feels like you are
loving yourself through them. How do you love yourself even when you have no
motivation and you don’t care whether the world around you caves in.
How do you explain to people that you want to be positive,
that you are positive. That something physically feels like its pulling you
back. How do you explain to someone that conversations and stories and passions
are what make the world go around. How do you get fired up about something when
you feel like crawling back to bed?
Well. How do explain yourself truly to anyone?
