I think the whole concept of a relationship is so bizarre yet beautiful. I think society lies to us about the perfection of relationships. In this chaotic and crazy world, sometimes its enough to feel safe and loved. In books and movies they talk about frantic confusing all consuming love but when that happens in real life it can sometimes be borderline abusive.
So if we are told one thing and then live another it can be understandable that lines can be blurred. Men in my opinion will (at this moment in time) be more self centred and self focused than women, this may be generalising but seeing my female friends and family bend over backwards for someone who they love and care about, only to get a semi grateful thanks and the empty promise of getting them back some day, and sometimes they truly do.
But maybe we need to realise that women have a hell of a lot more power in relationships but we need to stop speaking in a passive manner. Maybe we need to tell them what we need and want because without that they won’t know. I think this unspoken silent communication is bullshit, it works when you have lived side by side with that person for a long while. But as life keeps encroaching into our private lives it can be hard to feel alone and understand one another’s ups and downs and desires and needs.
Therefore maybe we should speak up more. Without both parties understanding where the other one is at, it leads to miscommunication and pain. Sometimes when one person wants what another person despises it can cause so much damage that it is then labelled emotionally abusive or sociopathic.
Sociopathic is a word branded about, now a sort of insult for someone who is controlling and in your face. When by definition a sociopath is someone who views relationships as a loss or gain, taking the emotional and empathetic part completely out of a relationship and having antisocial psychopathological thoughts and views of the world. Therefore… it should not be lightly brandished around.
Again emotionally abusive should not be pandered about as though its just someone who hurts your feelings or makes you feel a tad used. If you feel used leave or say something. Emotional abuse can be mental manipulation to the point where you are so turned around that you start questioning your sanity… not always this extreme but to drop it so casually is wrong. If you feel for your mental and physical safety you cannot leave or come to the conclusion that it is better to stay then that a whole other bag of fish when it comes to abusive relationships.
But I have had many female and male friends tell me that there partner is emotionally abusing them, when in reality they are feeling embarrassed for not communicating something important to them and so in order to lash out at their partners they pull out emotional abuse. Enough boy cried wolf, all it does is make humans who really need to speak out more unlikely to call out genuine emotional abuse.
What I am saying is maybe if we communicated more truly what we feel we could save a lot of pain and sadness from occurring. But even if you feel all these things, brandishing it throughout the social media world is just not the way to go about it. All it does is give you anxiety over what people will write and give the person it is written about a tarnished name, even if perhaps they did nothing wrong. Just trust your gut instinct and communicate. Enough of this passive yet extremely aggressive undertones. Just come out with it, otherwise it will boil away till it kills both of you.
This is not a rant about men being awful, because there are truly wonderful men out there. Some really are aware of your ups and downs but a lot of time even the good ones are in their own world, and we do have the ability to say something and pull them back to the present but instead we sit and stew unable to quash the fear of blowing everything out of proportion.
I could go on in circles with this but you get the gist.
x
