Love is the sleepless nights talking to them when they get back from work
Love is your heart ripping out of your chest as you get on the plane but knowing you would do it again if it meant seeing them for even a weekend
Love is knowing the now is hard but hoping the future will get better
Love is when he wipes your frozen tears on a snowy night when the past looms to close
Love is laughing and wanting to capture the moment forever
Love is crying silent tears and pressing your face into his neck so he doesn't see
Love is kissing his tears away
Love is the obstacle of 1000miles but still trying
Love is reading with his face pressed against your leg as he sleeps while you stroke his back
Love is not talking for three days because you know they are busy or stressed
Love is telling each other the weird or dark dreams you had the night before
Love is trying to help them see the logic of staying but also wanting them to fly over to be with you
Love is not being afraid to talk about odd childhoods
Love is going with her in the bloody freezing cold so that she can go for a walk to stop her twitching
Love is dancing with your eyes closed because you know he is near and so if you fall over he will laugh as he helps you stand up
Love is being angry but still loving him even if he drives you nuts
Love is just so bloody bizarre its difficult to put it in to words but I love it because its you
Sunday, 21 January 2018
Friday, 19 January 2018
Tears
Salty water of expression
Pain, anger, tiredness
Sadness, forgiveness, change
Happiness, laughter, love
How can one small biological action translate and transcribe into streams of heady emotions
Pain, anger, tiredness
Sadness, forgiveness, change
Happiness, laughter, love
How can one small biological action translate and transcribe into streams of heady emotions
Wednesday, 17 January 2018
I really miss you...
...I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. We both have so much growing to do but the thought of not being with you leaves my throat dry and my eyes teary. I know that we both have each others best intentions at heart. I would be here as your friend if it meant that you would be able to move forward healthily and do what you wanted. But god its hard sometimes to not just throw everything out the window and get on a plane to see you. I know the universe wants us to be apart for a while but it seems cruel to put so many obstacles in the way.
You drive me crazy, I want to bash you over the head sometimes when you are being grumpy and sullen but then you reach out and I get angry at you and you apologise for being a idiot and we talk about communication and next time you reach out sooner and I get angrier quicker but it all fizzles out when you hold me and we calm down. Sometimes I look at you and I am so confused as how we are together given the obstacles and the differences in our reactions but then we start talking about the world and I remember why. You make me laugh and smile. You take me seriously...well... unless you are tickling me. You challenge me to think about my own mental abilities and how far I can push myself. We see the world so differently and maybe if we lived in the same place we would blow up.
I am learning to say what I feel properly without just thinking of the other person, its slow and maybe that will cause issues. But truly its the small things helping one another here and there that matter to me. The occasional note, the spontaneous outing, the times when laughter is needed and other times where mixed tears are needed.
I am so unsure of the future and I promised myself that I wont control it. Maybe in 5 years we will pass each other on social media and there will only be a slight reaction, maybe we will be living together, maybe we will be amazing friends and I can say words at your wedding, maybe we will be apart for two years and meet up and the connection is still there. What I am saying is that I don't know what will happen but I want what is best for both of us.
Right now I miss you, it hurts but maybe this pain causes me to move and do something, maybe it will dull over time. Again I don't know.
You drive me crazy, I want to bash you over the head sometimes when you are being grumpy and sullen but then you reach out and I get angry at you and you apologise for being a idiot and we talk about communication and next time you reach out sooner and I get angrier quicker but it all fizzles out when you hold me and we calm down. Sometimes I look at you and I am so confused as how we are together given the obstacles and the differences in our reactions but then we start talking about the world and I remember why. You make me laugh and smile. You take me seriously...well... unless you are tickling me. You challenge me to think about my own mental abilities and how far I can push myself. We see the world so differently and maybe if we lived in the same place we would blow up.
I am learning to say what I feel properly without just thinking of the other person, its slow and maybe that will cause issues. But truly its the small things helping one another here and there that matter to me. The occasional note, the spontaneous outing, the times when laughter is needed and other times where mixed tears are needed.
I am so unsure of the future and I promised myself that I wont control it. Maybe in 5 years we will pass each other on social media and there will only be a slight reaction, maybe we will be living together, maybe we will be amazing friends and I can say words at your wedding, maybe we will be apart for two years and meet up and the connection is still there. What I am saying is that I don't know what will happen but I want what is best for both of us.
Right now I miss you, it hurts but maybe this pain causes me to move and do something, maybe it will dull over time. Again I don't know.
Friday, 12 January 2018
January Blues
Grey streets
Fast moving feet
The clouds reflect the faces that pass under them
Added pressure of change and fear
New year
Maybe it’s the year where I can only put one foot in front
of the other
Maybe it’s the year to look to the future
Control and release
Here we go
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