Homesick

I am homesick for the one I love 

Sick and alone 

A dull ache deep in my bones 

That only their arms of warmth can cure 

It does not matter where I hang my hat it’s my ear to your heart listening, just listening to the soothing sounds of home 

Come home dear one 

Come rest your head 

Let me hold you in my arms 

Let us create the walls of our connected home 

I’m homesick my love 

I am too far away 

I can’t wait to be home

Two sides, who to trust

Two sides, who to trust

There are two sides to me

The one who loves, cherishes and trusts

Who is loyal and forgiving to those she loves

Who looks past foibles and yet loves regardless

She who will walk to the ends of the earth for those close to her

Then

            There is the other side          

                                                Many have seen her mixed in with the kind

Green eyed and fire breathing

Deep sadness beyond saving

Anger that boils up from the depths of volcanic tundra

This dismal persona of great despair and drama

Yet they are so tangled that it is unknown

which side faces up

Sadness underlines forgiveness

Anger is twisted with love

Loyalty is splintered with betrayal

Trust with despair and dismay

            But why can I not embrace both with arms wide open?

            Why do I tremble in fear of the sadness, the pain and the anger?

The internal mixes with the external and I never know

Never understand which is causing what

I am tired of chaos and fear

I am tired of expecting simple contentment and being given anger

Please

            Just let me go

                                    Let me simply be here and now without

The pulling and pushing,

The up and down

The anxiety and anger and need to control

Why.

Help, Help.

Please just let me go.

                        I am tired. Leave me to drift.

Who am I? Right now in this moment...?

Who am I?

I am a person who is constructed of all the little experiences and reactions and emotions that I have felt.

I am my memories but also my plans.

I am a woman who grew up surrounded by strong women, so I am a woman who is proud to push societies boundaries and keep going ahead with my goals.

 I’m growing into myself and flourishing and allowing myself to be okay with living in my reality.

I am starting to recognize that it is not a negative quality to have your own reality. I will continue to be myself both a master piece and a work in progress at the same time.

Mind Journey

I imagine myself at the bottom of the ocean sitting on the soft sand. I can breathe deeply and oxygen is easier to absorb down here among the fish. My mind is at peace. I look around to see the light filtering down from above, sunshine dappling across the coral reef. I hear the crackling noise of the fish eating the algae off the rocks. Hands resting gently on my thighs I feel the oceans temperature changing ever-so slightly with every movement of the water around me. My hair flows in the current and my body sways to the rhythm of my heart beat. I am completely calm, everything around me is going about its daily cycle and I am an observer, exhilarated by the beauty of the underwater world.