Two sides, who to trust

Two sides, who to trust

There are two sides to me

The one who loves, cherishes and trusts

Who is loyal and forgiving to those she loves

Who looks past foibles and yet loves regardless

She who will walk to the ends of the earth for those close to her

Then

            There is the other side          

                                                Many have seen her mixed in with the kind

Green eyed and fire breathing

Deep sadness beyond saving

Anger that boils up from the depths of volcanic tundra

This dismal persona of great despair and drama

Yet they are so tangled that it is unknown

which side faces up

Sadness underlines forgiveness

Anger is twisted with love

Loyalty is splintered with betrayal

Trust with despair and dismay

            But why can I not embrace both with arms wide open?

            Why do I tremble in fear of the sadness, the pain and the anger?

The internal mixes with the external and I never know

Never understand which is causing what

I am tired of chaos and fear

I am tired of expecting simple contentment and being given anger

Please

            Just let me go

                                    Let me simply be here and now without

The pulling and pushing,

The up and down

The anxiety and anger and need to control

Why.

Help, Help.

Please just let me go.

                        I am tired. Leave me to drift.